"I ♥ My"

Two stories. One mine, one not. The not first.

From The Smoking Gun:

MARCH 16--A Florida man wearing an "I ♥ My Marriage" t-shirt was arrested last night for allegedly choking his wife during an argument in their Tampa-area home. Bradley Gellert, a 32-year-old financial consultant, was busted by Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office deputies and booked into jail on a felony domestic battery by strangulation charge. According to a police report, Gellert, pictured in the below mug shot, got into an argument with his wife and "screamed at the victim and threw numerous items." He then allegedly "grabbed the victim's neck and strangled her," which "prevented the victim from breathing normally." Gellert's wife subsequently fled the couple's Apollo Beach home and went to a nearby sheriff's office to report the incident. Investigators noted that the woman had been "taken to the ground by the arrestee and suffered an abrasion to her knee and red marks on her neck." The "I ♥ My Marriage" shirt was a promotional item tied to the 2008 movie "Fireproof," a Christian-themed film starring Kirk Cameron. The movie, a hit in evangelical circles, centers on a fireman's religious awakening and his simultaneous effort to save a failing marriage.

Hypocrisy is a universal constant. But it leads nicely into my story, which also involves an "I ♥ My."

The other day, I was fortunate to see a bumper sticker that I'd never before come across. It said, simply, "I ♥ My Straight Child," against a patriotic flag background.

I was a bit more distraught by such than I thought I'd be. Yes, I live in a conservative place, but it just seemed so harshly reactionary. Would that same parent have put a "I ♥ My Conservative Child" sticker on his or her bumper? Or an "I ♥ My Christian Child"? Yes, I'm making wild assumptions based upon my location, but I would also be willing to bet that, if both those things held true, that the parent in question would invest in those bumper stickers. So, why "My Straight Child"? The thing is, I read that bumper sticker less as a statement of the parents' pride in their child's sexuality, and more of an underhanded message celebrating that their child isn't gay.

Why is it necessary? Why is it necessary to celebrate something your child isn't? Or, rather, why make a point of including your majority? Imagine the annoyance (and, I'd hope, uproar) if a couple of white parents drove around with an "I ♥ My White Child" bumper sticker in a WASPy neighborhood. Then again, perhaps there wouldn't be any annoyance? Because it's easy to discriminate against a minority when you have the tradition of ignorance on your side. Bullies come in all sizes.

We've all seen bumper sticker wars get out of control: The Christian fish turns into a Darwinian sea creature, which is then eaten by a larger Christian fish, which are then caught by evolved humans.... I'm not going to combat this with a flurry of bumper rainbows, or a surprise stocking stuffer for my parents of "I ♥ My Gay Child" bumper stickers. Rather, I would like us - all of us, straight-hearters and gay-hearters - to look at this and say, “Okay, love your straight child, but don’t use any aspect of him or her as a tool for you to express your opinions.”

Amen.