It's snowing! Again! It's like I don't live in Arizona anymore!
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| Criterion | Score of 0 | Score of 1 | Score of 2 | Score of 3 |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Musical Knowledge | No interest | May have some Disney and/or showtunes on mix CDs | Lives for Wicked or Rent | Names pets and/or nieces/nephews after characters from Wicked or Rent |
| Animal Ownership | Owns a cat | Owns several cats | Owns a dog | Owns one or more small dogs best described as "puntable" |
| Throws | No idea what one is | "It's like a blanket, right?" | Owns a throw | Owns one or more throws, color coordinates them with furniture |
| Lady Gaga | Induces vomiting | Claims to dislike, listens to on radio | Buys CDs/pirates music | Exarch in Church of Gagism |
| Job | Sciences, math, outdoor work, "anything straight" | Food service | Anything in the arts or fashion | Psychology, ass piracy, Madonna's backup dancers, professional diving |
| Expression of Income Level | Goodwill VIP card | Goes to fashionable places to laugh at fashionable people | Gated community | Gated community, complains of being poor when browsing HD bigscreen TV from leather couch |
| Drink | Soda | Water | Coffee or tea | Coffee or tea in Starbucks-style cup (3 points only if doesn't work at Starbucks) |
| Alcoholic Drink | Any liquor, from bourbon to vodka | Good beer | Wine, any kind or color | Mixed drink (score varies directly with alcohol content and boldness of color of drink) |
| Hair | Eh, whatever | Gels for special occasions | Cut or styled professionally once a month or more | On days when the dress doesn't get any fancier than t-shirt and soccer shorts, gels hair to perfection |
| Dance? | No | Get me drunk first! | Get me drunk first! And then my clothes come off! | is my life |
| Drugs | Maybe alcohol, maybe tobacco, maybe nothing | Pot | Crack | Crack and then some |
| Gettin' Gussied Up | Jeans are pants, and thus acceptably dressy items | Oh, you know, for special occasions | I have specific pants, vests, shirts, etc. | I have a specific dress |