And thus I'm mostly over not going to pride. Stacy*, in her infinite wisdom, reminded me that if I couldn't go, it was because I shouldn't go. Some days I believe in fate, some days I believe in destiny, some days I believe in luck, and some days I just believe.

Still, I decided drinking tonight would be a good idea. Result? I am a little tipsy and I've invented a new drink, the spiced rum'n'A&W, which isn't bad. Try it if you want, but as I'm certain that I'm the first one to ever think of it, I intend to collect royalties whenever you make it.

In other news, engagements annoy me. Not only gay engagements (more on that if I feel like it), but engagements in general. In brief, I think it's because of my own perceived shortcomings: I'm in a place where I can't even get a date, much less commit to a relationship, much much less commit to a lifetime.

Yet when an old friend (who shall, at her request, remain nameless) wrote me relatively unexpectedly this evening to announce her engagement, I felt the warm glow of Christmas lights. Part of that is the rum (no doubt upon sobriety I shall look at this entry with the intense monocle of incredulity), and part of it is because this person is the last person I ever would have imagined getting married, and part of it is the analogous wonder of seeing goats dance ballet: I want to know how she's going to do it. I'm kinda hoping I get an invite, and hoping even more that I can attend.

And now, some advice. One of my lab partners, the one who's young (just nineteen) and the one whom I do not have a crush on, explicated why he thought anal sex was awkward, uncomfortable, and weird, I couldn't say anything. As in, I was literally frozen by the awkwardness, unable to do anything but cheer when Stacy* came and rescued me for lunch. The lab partner I do have a crush on made an awkward joke that could've easily been a "ha ha I've so done that" cover, but I'm trying not to read too much into it. Just because he's smouldering and I'm frustrated.... No! I shall not address thee, mistress of sorrows!

This really shouldn't go out until my system's repolarized. Or depolarized. Whatever. It will, anyway.

Kellie* texted me tonight to tell me that if she were a gay man, she would totally be sexing it up with me. She's my guiding light, that girl.

(*yes, their actual names)