Step outside the bubble

Every so often, you'll find a nutjob who honestly believes that, I don't know, goldfish are evil. Or, say, homosexuality invading family life through popular music, which is what this entry's about.

(Aside: The name of the site I just linked you to is called "God Hates Fags," so watch yourself.)

Really, though, the site is so laughable that it's hardly worth disclaiming. These are the type of folks who Capitalize Random Words to better drive home their Point. Either that, or they never made it through the third grade.

I want to paraphrase this, but really? How can you get better than this: "Some bands are what we like to call Gateway Bands. They lure children in with Pop Grooves and Salacious Melodies leaving them wanting more. They’ll move on to more dangerous bands and the next thing you know you’ve got a homosexual for a child."

OH NO. A Homosexual for a Child. OF ALL THINGS.

They list "gay" bands for the crazies concerned parents who want to keep their Children from becoming Homosexuals. The list is the major reason why this site is funny as opposed to a 'net hemorrhoid, because they list parenthetical reasons with some of their choices. Major highlights:
*Pink is unacceptable because she evidently has a "gay family."
*Toby Keith is a "cowboy." Seriously. That's the reason. Apparently Brokeback homo'd everyone west of the Mississippi.
*Kate Bush. "Kissed a girl." Apparently they feel they don't need to expand there. Actually, neither do I.
*The Butchies. I didn't even know they were a band, but apparently they're also "lizbians." Not "lesbians." Lizbians.
*Morrissey is "questionable." Personally, I hope he's more than, but whatever.
*George Michael is a "Texan." Evidently Texans are gay. Someone ought to tell our ex-president.
*Britney Spears kissed Madonna. Ergo, gay.
*Elton John is "really gay." I'm just not sure if this is meant as "Elton John is very gay" or "No, really, Elton John is gay." Oh, well, either way, one out of about six thousand isn't bad.

But wait! There's more! There's another list of wholesomely Christian, god-fearing, homo-abating bands! Why not jam with Jesus to Evanescence and Creed? It's Listening God's Way, folks! And, if the last list was laughable, this one is ridiculously cringeworthy simply because it's headlined by Cyndi Lauper.

This is the kind of photo that doesn't need a caption. ...Although I do want to know what the woman to the left is thinking.

My problem is that too many of my favorite bands aren't on either list. What about the penultimate boy bands (IMHO) The Beatles and The Beach Boys? They're boys getting together to make music ... that's gay, right? What about Queens of the Stone Age? They're all guys, but they call themselves queens! Franz Ferdinand? They have a song about lusting after a guy! Perhaps most disappointingly, I still don’t know whether Fleetwood Mac is safe or not. When I listen to them, will they "foster heterosexual desires and stimulate a Christian mode of thought"? Or will they encourage my deviant behavior and eventually result in my eternal damnation?

Only time will tell.